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Alina Müller

Psychology, M. Sc.

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Our own problems are found in extremes and rigidit

Our own problems are found in extremes and rigidity. Once people have identified their problem, they often overcompensate with the other extreme hoping this will solve their problem.

For example a fundamental problem with self-esteem is shown first by “I always put myself down, I’m inferior” ➡️ and then by “I need positive validation for everything I do, I’m superior”.

The fundamental problem with self-esteem remains.

Switching from one extreme to the other never solves a problem. Instead a solution to a problem involves balance, flexibility, negotiation - not rigid extremes.

#selfesteem #psychodynamictheory #innerconflict #selfworth #selfcare #selflove

Who do you want to be? When chosing an ideal to mo

Who do you want to be? When chosing an ideal to model yourself after, make sure it serves as an inspiration.

Otherwise you create a super-egoic master who is ready to judge and humiliate you with shame and guilt for not measuring up every step of the way.

"When we give up, or undermine, our dependence on our ego-ideals – on our fantasies about the people we believe we should be – both our dependence and the nature and function of our ego-ideals is exposed. When our preferred versions of ourselves are not an inspiration, they are a tyranny (a tyranny with which we can humiliate ourselves)." Adam Phillips, On Giving Up

#idealself #psychodynamic #inspiration #tyranny #superego #egoideal #psychodynamictheory #adamphillips

We learn how to comfort and sooth ourselves from h

We learn how to comfort and sooth ourselves from how others comforted us. 👇

We hopefully got the chance to experience calm, peace, and safety in the presence of another when we were young.👩‍🍼

And as we grow up, we carry those internalized experiences with us.

We internalize those comforting, soothing, reassuring voices that we then use to comfort ourselves. 😇

☝️In the psychodynamic approach this is called the “good inner object”.

It’s how we talk reassuringly to ourself when we most need it. It’s the inner voice that says “It’s been a hard day, I’ll make myself a warm tea to wind down”. It’s the inner voice that reminds us to make our favourite meal when we feel homesick to comfort us.

My grandmother used to make me “Vanillepudding mit Eischnee” (vanilla pudding with beaten egg white) when I was a young girl. She kept it warm on the heater because she knew how much I love it when it’s warm. Since she passed away, I make it for myself. A soothing, warm bowl of Vanillepudding mit Eischnee that’s so much more than just that.

How do you comfort yourself? 😌

#comforting #psychodynamic #psychodynamics #goodinnerobject #comfortfood #selfsoothing #selfsoothe #selfunderstanding

Ambivalence. Our constant companion - most noticea

Ambivalence. Our constant companion - most noticeable when we have to make a decision - but it’s always there. Ambivalence is baked right into the heart of human-ness. We can love and hate the same person, want closeness and distance, belonging and independence.

Or find ourselves like this little dog being forced to chose between two people he loves. And when ambivalence can’t be resolved or tolerated we run around in anxious circles. Just looking less cute (at least in my case).

#ambivalence #psychodynamic #psychology #innerconflict

Understanding the function of dysfunction👇 Whe

Understanding the function of dysfunction👇

When we encounter something about us that’s not “right”, we often just want to get rid of it. We want to push away uncomfortable emotions, quickly fix procrastination, hack our way out of feeling insecure.

And when we manage to quickly push away what is uncomfortable we feel a brief sense of relief… until we realize that something else that’s not “right” popped up elsewhere.

At some point it dawns on us: We merely replaced one dysfunction with another or that getting rid of something didn’t really make us feel that much better.

What psychodynamic thinkers have been studying for over 100 years but most people don’t realize is that every dysfunction has a function. And before you understand the function of that uncomfortable emotion, the annoying way you sabotage yourself, and simply try to get rid of it, you might just replace one dysfunction with another.

#psychodynamic #psychology #psychoanalytic #psychoanalysis #understandyourself #selfawareness #selfunderstanding #selfdisovery

We can construct a whole life to defend against, w

We can construct a whole life to defend against, wrestle with, and pursue our deepest desire. Our own unconscious might even play jokes on us, revealing itself in dreams that slowly seep into reality. There we have to face our own wishes, refusals, and both the power, pain and terror of our deepest desire. At least that’s what happened to me. What a journey.

And of course, none of that would be a complete psychodynamic post, if all that weren’t connected to childhood experiences. Here we go again!

#psychodynamic #deepestdesire #lacan #desire

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